what happen

sighx.. seems like recently i have been feeling so lack of self confidence.. scare of doing so much stuff..

maybe there's too much things happening in my life nw..

maybe all these while i do lack of self confidence but i just act like i can do it.. seems like i'm doing all these things not for myself but for my family and frens.. to prove to them.. haiz..

recently one of my fren wanted to drop out from U becos he found it too stressful, and also due to family and financial issues.. want to go out and work instead.. he think he has failed his parents.. even tot of committing suicide..

is this depression or stresS?

i dun really know what i want in life anymore now.. its like in a mess..
i wanna do well in sch.. but seems like i have a feelin no matter hw hard i try, i still wun be able to do it.. self belonging seems to be no where near me..

do i really wanna do this? do i........ sighx..

there seems to be so much out there waiting for me to do but yet i feel i am not capable of doing anything nw..

i wanna earn big money and be successful, take over my dad's business.. but can i?

can i really earn big money..

can i really be successful..

No is what i have been feeling lately..

doesn't seem to be motivated by anything anymore..

sighx....

and recently i think i have been spending so much i totally lack of self discipline on my spendings.. now i'm left with 10bucks till next mth.. hw to survive.. its only 9th of Sept..

hw to pump my petrol, pay my hp bill, top up cash card.. i can forgo my meals and just eat whatever i find at home.. but those expenses tt i have to spent.. where do i find income.. sighx.. and i still need to save up 2.3k..hw to save when i'm spending so much..

maybe its true, though i may have good income but i do spend alot too..
remember one of my fren actually help me "shuan ming" and was told, though i may have different incomes, but i do spend alot..sighx..

start to worry so much... worry financial issues, study issues, etc etc etc..

maybe i'm just stressed over the coming tests and sch and everything..
or maybe i'm just finding excuses for myself..

sighx..why do i write all these rubbish for....